Quick Note

A friend of mine wanted to point out his participation in my last painting. A certain Jeff Mossman was culprit as computer part hoarder. He also specializes in the collecting of old and new phones and has been known, on occasion, to get excited about skeleton keys with me. Gracias, amigo!

Music Appreciation

I wanted to start this entry with the question: why is it so expensive to go and see a fantastic band? Honestly, I know and appreciate the answer. CD and record sales suffer so much these days from pirated music that revenue has to come from somewhere else. Thus, merchandise and live performance become the main bread-winner for bands. Beyond me being annoyed at my reservations on spending nearly fifty dollars to see one of my favorite bands, I can respect the high price. Live music is such a fantastic experience and although in a Utopia, people would share it for free, we're living elsewhere and thus, we have to pay for the artist's lunches and new guitar strings. I can come to terms with this (although, not so much right now when I'm lacking full-time employment!) and I know that I will fully take advantage of the ability to enjoy wonderful music entertainment and put money toward a band that I love and appreciate.

Additionally, many bands are making their live performances more entertaining of a show than simply playing music. Not to say that we wouldn't be pleased by paying the fee and listening to our favorite bands play, but we can't possibly be disappointed if they also put on funny hats and dance around the stage! The last show I attended (and sadly, there are a rare few shows I've actually gone to-a problem I hope to remedy in the near future!) had a partial orchestra on the stage, costumes, many impressive guest performers, and a large screen overhead that played accompanying videos to the music. Although this did make me briefly think of the many churches who have now adopted jesus screens up front to direct their flocks a-signing (an epidemic that even I as a non-religious individual can't help but feel draws from the organic intentions of religion), I soon saw the merit of it. The theater was rather large (and I at the back of it!) and the screen acted as additional entertainment for those who weren't granted the joys of seeing the band's sweat stains.

On that note, I'd just like to brag a bit about the Fleet Foxes. I'm often an artist hoarder; we all know that classic problem where fantastically talented little-known bands grow in popularity and all of a sudden, their music fails to incite the same brilliant sounds that we used to hear. The difficulty with choosing a profession that thrives off the masses is that you have to keep appealing to them. Thus, many artists choose to change their unique style to gain more interest from a wider demographic and then, they lose their unique sound and my ear.

That stated, the other side holds an equally disappointing prospect for bands. If you discover an underground group and hoard them to you, they may never gain enough popularity to continue donating their time to creating the music you love! Then, they fall off the music scene and you collect their few songs to you, wondering what they may have become if they'd just had more time!!! Thus, I'm going to try to stop keeping my lips zipped about my favorite bands!

Luckily, I don't think that the Fleet Foxes really need much of my promoting. They already have good standing in many music communities and I think that their talent speaks for themselves. To me, they embody this wonderful feeling of frozen time. I don't know why, but recently I've been drawn to images and sounds that seem to be faux 70s stuck in present time. I understand that this makes no sense. I'm working on describing this phenomena but it's awfully difficult! Anyhow, the Fleet Foxes bring this feeling to life for me. Their harmonies are elegant, filling, classic, and brutally honest. I listen to them (and Radiohead) every day while I'm writing. This is a new habit, as up until now I've often felt like music distracted from my work. But recently, I've been using my enjoyment of these bands and others to induce creativity into my prose! I think it's working out well.

Back to the Fleet Foxes: I'd fallen in love with their music a while ago but when they released their newest cd, I felt a bit disappointed at first. I wasn't sure if I really liked it and I didn't spend a lot of time giving it a chance. This is an odd problem with me and music; I often judge a band a bit too quickly and then, years later, I'm crazy about them. For instance, I've had the Fleet Foxes on my computer and iPod for at least three years (and listened to them occasionally). It's only been within the last year that I've discovered that their music is so very, very wonderful. Perhaps this is just my taste changing and maturing. Still, I decided that I didn't like their new cd and now, I can't imagine why. It is very much up to par with their other music and most impressive.

Beyond their musical talents, I think they are fantastic lyricists. One song I can't stop listening to ("The Shrine/An Argument"-Helplessness Blues) has a line in it that says, "In the ocean, washing off my name from your throat." This is the kind of writing that I really appreciate because it makes you stop and truly consider it. This type of line doesn't pass you by, barely noticed. For me, you can't just sing to the Fleet Foxes, you have to think about it too. I can't help but be terribly curious about their music and what it means. This is a great frustration in my life! Whenever I'm attracted to music like this, I always have this desire to understand what exactly the song was written about, for whom or what, and what it means! Of course, the mystery of music is that with the greatest bands, they'll never tell you and that's what hooks you and keeps you interested.

Alright, I've probably spoken enough about the Fleet Foxes (is that a real sentence???). Just know that if I've talked you into listening to one of their songs by the end of this blog, I would suggest you start with "White Winter Hymnal." Not to say that you cannot handle "The Shrine/An Argument" because I'm sure you can, but it does have a rather odd ending (the only thing I actually dislike about the song-it's nearly two minutes of confused composition and it's rather uncommon for this band...). If you do want to give it a listen, watch out for this line: "Sunlight over me no matter what I do." It literally rocks you off your chair! It's just that good...

Also, so much for the "five minute rant" that I guaranteed myself...

Bookended

Greetings!

Things have been getting a bit busier for me recently, which then shoves my creativity into little corners at the turning of every hour. I'm not entirely pleased about it but what can we do! Lately, I've had the interesting experience of spending my afternoons first with an elderly lady, Kaye, and then a little girl, Tulia. It's fun to be bookended by age in this way; I like the change of pace these two give me each day. I can't help but feel that I'm learning a lot about life from these two, and in such a unique way. I'm not known for my ability to be overly firm with my intentions and these two are giving me quite a challenge with that. With Kaye, I have to work hard to express how my schedule will accommodate hers. Generally, when the time comes when I must leave to go and pick up Tulia, Kaye wants to tell me one more story or have me help her with one last task. It's never been easy to stand up for my own schedule like this so it does take a bit of urging within myself to tell her that no, I must leave now to get everywhere on time.

With Tulia, discipline and clear communication takes a completely different form. Tulia likes goofing around and doing little dances and talking about my hair when I'm trying to help her put on her leotard for her dance camp. For me, it's hard to tell her to stop and focus on the task at hand because I like her songs and her dances and I like talking to her about silly things (she has some very interesting thoughts about life...). With children, I think it's so important to encourage creativity and self-expression and I want her to be goofy and happy. But I know it's also important to set up clear guidelines of discipline. A balance between the two has to be developed but I find it tricky forming one when I have known her for such little time. Also, I have limited information on the type of discipline that her parents have established with her so I'm never sure exactly which route to take. When I think about this, I feel that my interaction with Tulia, however minimal, has a certain amount of gravity on her development. Obviously, when children are young, they are constantly learning from the people around them. They pick up so much more than I expect and thus, everything you do in front of them has the danger of being scooped up into their memory and applied later! This is just added inspiration to have a positive impact on her.

With the implementation of yoga into my life recently, I've been trying to practice the art of "letting go." Have you heard of it? It's this interesting tactic where you take something that is bothering you or pressing on your ability to be happy, and you just expel it from your mind. Revolutionary, right? Well...yes, for me. I tend to keep nagging ideas and thoughts inside of myself and they just fester there like ugly personality bugs! Today, I've been trying to notice every time they're crawling on me and when I do, I relax my body and take a deep breath, letting all the bad stuff out. It's not easy and doesn't always work but I think that actively doing this is the point for me right now. Hopefully, I'll get better with time and reach a place where I can just forget nagging thoughts and stop worrying about things out of my control.

In other news, I haven't killed this plant yet:

In fact, despite my negligible resume of plant care, it actually seems to be growing. Which reminds me that I need to water it today...

Although I've let my sketching fall to a weekly basis instead of daily, I've still been active in this recently. My newest sketch is one of my lovely headphones and I've shared it below for proof that I haven't given up on my artistic endeavors.

Better yet, I spent a few hours last night doing some painting that I'm rather pleased with. At my last job, my coworkers were in the habit of collecting random computer parts and hoarding them at different locations in the building where we worked. One of them had landed a few old keyboards and offered me one. Although I have no use for a non-functioning keyboard, I had much use for deconstructing it and using its parts in my artwork! I took it apart, washed the keys, and they've been waiting diligently in my art drawer for the day that they should be put to use. Last night was the night! Well, at least for thirteen of the keys.

There's a specific film that I've always been completely and utterly in love with. It's something of an inspiration to aspects of my creativity as well. Last night, I put it on, turned off the lights, lit a candle, and started painting. I like doing art in the dark because it takes away the voice of my inner art critic that tells me not to put a red on a canvas or that I've used too much pen in one area. With minimal light, I just go. I stop worrying about what it's going to look like and I just concentrate on how I love the feel and smell of painting. I can barely see what I'm doing so it moves into an exciting realm of anticipation; what will it look like when I turn on the light? And sometimes, I turn on the light and it's just a mumbled mess of awfulness and I paint over it. And sometimes, it's everything I want!

Last night, I turned on the lights and was pleased by what popped up on the canvas. I put finishing touches on it, glued on the keys, and spent quite some time ogling at it while I finished watching the movie. I think sometimes people don't do art because they're worried about it looking badly. I do art because it makes me feel happy and I like having my own style. It appeals to me (and perhaps only me) and that's fine because I'm not rushing off to try and sell it. But if you realize that you can do art just for yourself, that it doesn't have to look good by anyone's standards but your own (and sometimes, not even those!), perhaps more people would try it and find out its merits. Anyhow, below is my piece, which is now proudly displayed in my room where it will likely sit until I die!

Well, I'm off to do some more writing. I'm at a place in one of my book where the characters are arguing over some pretty deep ideas (at least, I like to think they are). I get very embroiled in their discussions and the work it takes to try to create valid points for both sides. It bends my mind into a shape more commonly described as 'pretzel'!

Happy Wednesday to one and all!

Food For Thought

Here's a secret: Chinese take-out is the official 'food for thought.' It's rich and secretive and likes to hide various layers of taste in different spots on your plate. When you try it in the comfort of your own home, go slowly, allowing it to unfold its spices and strike up foreign conversations with your taste buds. For greater enjoyment, be sure to save some of it for a small feast the following day. Like great cheese and expensive wines, it ages well and will wake up the next day feeling slightly refreshed and exceptionally delicious.

Oh, and always watch out for food poisoning.

I'm in the middle of urging myself to take my stitching project to the next level. I got the basic pattern for the outline from www.feelingstitchy.com and was excited by the results (shown below). But then, unsure of the next step, I set aside the piece of fabric and have been actively ignoring it ever since. In fact, I took it out today to take a photo of it and I think the floss looked genuinely excited to see me. I quickly snapped a photo and put it away again. No sense getting its hopes up. I probably won't actually attack it with creativity again for several days.

The photo is unnaturally annoying to me as, in my haste, I neglected to set the correct white balance which is why it appears so blue in color. But can you really blame me? I needed to avoid that feeling of guilty neglect that projects often throw your way when you see something you haven't worked on in a while. Ah well!

Coagulated Knees

So recently, I've been working on a comic strip called "Coagulated Knees." It's in a very early stage right now but I spent some time with a page today that I'm pretty pleased with. Given that I've only worked on comics for a short span of time and am quite the novice in this area of artistry, I think it's pretty decent. I've always been a big fan of creative web comics so perhaps one of these days, I'll get something going (although with all my endeavors, it doesn't seem like I'd ever have enough time to truly devote the detail I'd want to each strip). This page comes a bit out of context but I wasn't overly impressed by the preceding pages and I'm only posting this one! So here's to enjoying some snippet of a story that is fragmented but hopefully somewhat entertaining!

The hazard of day-dreaming at work.

Contesting the Existence of Mistakes

I was on my way home this evening and for some reason, my mind caught me in a loop discussion about mistakes. After some initial musings, I was surprised to find that part of me contested that there was, actually, no such thing as a mistake. Now, this statement does seem quite odd for me to be making because I have been feeling as though my life lately has been sitting on the brunt of several rather glaring mistakes. In fact, in the past few months I have felt as though I've been completely unaware of a series of repeating mistakes that I've been cycling through over the last several years. These mistakes seem to have become ingrained into my personality and I felt as though I kept making them without realizing the repetition but feeling unhappy by the recurring results. People often characterize negative parts of their lives as "being in a rut" and this was no exception. A friend of mine once gave the analogy of digging himself so deeply into a single, circular path that when he tried to drive over it again and keep to higher ground, he couldn't help but keep slipping back into the rut he'd formed for himself.

I like this because I think it's a good characterization of people's brilliant attempts to improve through often daunting pathways. I also think that it's an experience we can all understand as I think it's something we've all been through.

So lately, I've been feeling as though I got picked up by some magnificent zeppelin that is now allowing me to view myself from afar, catching all these negative habits and 'mistakes' and seeing how I fall into cycles of negative behavior. It's a really great experience; it helps me take in all these things and hone my skill at understanding where I can go with them, how I can improve those aspects of my self (and note, I'm speaking directly of the 'self', not misspelling!). Overall, it may be sometimes daunting to observe my flaws so bare, but it is a rewarding experience that I treasure right now in my life.

This brings me back to my questions about mistakes. I am gathering a lot of information about myself and who I want to be and spending a lot of time trying to incorporate that into my person, practicing better habits and hopefully, becoming a better me than I've ever been before. But I'm only here, in this state of self-observance and improvement, because of every single negative thing that has occurred up to this point.

I'm not the sort of person that believes that life is already set out before we enter it and that everything that happens was supposed to happen that way and at that time. I feel like your everyday actions have very strong impacts on not only your self but on the lives of those around you. I think this creates a precarious web between you and the lives of those you choose to touch. Looking at it that way, it demands a great deal of responsibility for the way you decide to interact and behave with friends and family. Thus, I honestly believe I've had my hand in every negative event that has happened to me recently, which is why I've been considering these things as 'mistakes' with such force lately.

My quandary lies in the fact that I do believe I've learned so much and grown considerably from dealing with these recent developments in my life. How can such an event that encourages a great stage of growth be termed a mistake, then? I know I wouldn't have learned every single interesting lesson recently if I hadn't been put in exactly the place I now find myself.

When I have these kind of discussions with myself where I contest the existence of something that seems so trivial and yet basic to human life, I tend to try and strip the facts to the core of the matter. I did so here and this is where I ended up. Choices are available to us in our daily life (and here, I'm not only necessarily terming a 'choice' as whether to go to a restaurant or stay home and cook but stretching it to cover all manner of sins; you choose to be in a good mood despite things that aggravate you, you choose to show affection to your significant other even if they are doing something that annoys you, etc.). Sometimes, these choices weigh in on a neutral scale; either choice affects you and those around you in the same way (wear blue or wear green, it doesn't matter just put on a shirt!). But when these choices have more importance on them, they start falling off into either a positive reaction or a negative one. These are the times when your significant other is excited about something from the book they're reading and wants to read it to you. You can choose to bask in their enthusiasm and their desire to share it with you, or you can become annoyed because you don't want to interrupt your reading to hear some antiquated discussion that will require your full attention and which won't make complete sense out of context.

Life is grayscale so there's no telling which choice is necessarily right or wrong but you're going to learn something no matter what you do. Choose to be positive, reap the benefits of people around you responding well to that positivity. Choose to be negative, reap the benefits of learning about the importance people play in your life and make sound realizations about their ability to choose to distance themselves from you.

What I'm basically trying to communicate is that situations are always going to be completely within your power if you decide to view them that way. If you choose to label your life as a series of mistakes, that can be beneficial to your growth but because life is up for personal interpretation, you are going to have to hold yourself responsible for attracting that kind of negativity. If you choose to see the world without mistakes, to level the playing field of choice and decide that events in life merely develop your understand of yourself, then you may give yourself a lot more positive power than you thought yourself capable of.

On the other hand, this argument is something that makes me relatively nervous; if you take out the existence of mistakes, you open a door to seeing yourself in an all-too perfect manner. There's a precarious line to dance between dissolving the idea of mistakes in order to simply have a peaceful mind about negative and positive reactions and lessons in life, and deciding that everything you do is right. This, like nearly all of my thoughts about life recently, leads down the road into a whole mind cramp I have about perception and how your mind comes careening into your life and can flip things upside down without your realizing it. But that's a whole different discussion.

Initial Musings

Hi all!

I created this blog to display my creative pursuits as they develop and discuss the progress of some of my personal projects. I have recently graduated from college and am trying to decide in which direction to point my life. So far, my interests stretch across a vast creative odometer of mostly income-less activities! I'm currently working on writing three different novels (having recently completed my third, finished novel), a habitual journaler, I am a flawed cartoonist, a daily sketcher, a seasoned musician (primarily viola and violin but also guitar and piano), a frequent photographer, a stubborn knitter/crocheter, an inspired stitcher, and a happy painter! Basically, if I find some kind of material, I like to see what I can do with it! Always fun, never paid...

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about life, recently (graduating from college seems to free up a lot brain space for constructive musings). I think that success in life (at least in employment and/or personal goals) takes two things. First, I think there's always a lot of luck involved in any endeavor. Sometimes, it's just about being in the right place at the right time, knowing the right people, or saying the right thing and making yourself heard. But the other factor that I believe is essential to success is extremely hard work. I've recently been living my life by the idea that if you want to be good at something, it is essential that you do it every day, at least for a little bit of your time. Now, if you want to be really good at something, that's when you start doing it for hours upon hours each day.

That's why at the end of the day, I'm always scrambling to get in my word count on whichever writing project I find myself most attracted to, trying to play some kind of instrument, and do some drawing. If you try to incorporate important hobbies in your life each day, you have no choice but to get better. The more time you spend with something, the easier it is to pin-point your flaws and begin to improve them. More importantly, it gives you a sense of accomplishment at the end of each day. No matter what happens, you've created something. It doesn't really matter if it's a piece of literary drivel or the most inspired writing you've ever created, it's still something you've done.

I'm not sure which book this is from, but sociologist Malcolm Gladwell writes (and this is vastly paraphrased so stick with me!) that every person who reaches the point of expertise in their field has spent at least 10,000 hours working on their selected skill or type of employment.

That's true dedication.

This resonates with my beliefs on success and reminds me of the thoughts of one of my favorite authors, Sara Douglas. I was reading her blog a few years ago and she discusses (once again, I'm paraphrasing) how annoyed she gets when individuals praise her for her "talent" at writing and express their desires at being born with such a "gift." She urges readers to understand that her skill at writing isn't something she was born with, as I'm sure many professionals would agree, but something at which she has spent years working. Of course, there are always highly-talented people who are born with natural gifts for certain things (Mozart anyone?) but the rest of us normal folks have to shut out distractions and hunker down to work, work, work.

Personally, I'm happy to have been born as the latter. I have spent a lot of time trying to learn the nature of discipline and I think all the work I've devoted to it has allowed me to establish good, creative habits to keep me motivated and continuously working.

Anyway, that's all for this evening. I hope you all have pleasant nights!