Bookended

Greetings!

Things have been getting a bit busier for me recently, which then shoves my creativity into little corners at the turning of every hour. I'm not entirely pleased about it but what can we do! Lately, I've had the interesting experience of spending my afternoons first with an elderly lady, Kaye, and then a little girl, Tulia. It's fun to be bookended by age in this way; I like the change of pace these two give me each day. I can't help but feel that I'm learning a lot about life from these two, and in such a unique way. I'm not known for my ability to be overly firm with my intentions and these two are giving me quite a challenge with that. With Kaye, I have to work hard to express how my schedule will accommodate hers. Generally, when the time comes when I must leave to go and pick up Tulia, Kaye wants to tell me one more story or have me help her with one last task. It's never been easy to stand up for my own schedule like this so it does take a bit of urging within myself to tell her that no, I must leave now to get everywhere on time.

With Tulia, discipline and clear communication takes a completely different form. Tulia likes goofing around and doing little dances and talking about my hair when I'm trying to help her put on her leotard for her dance camp. For me, it's hard to tell her to stop and focus on the task at hand because I like her songs and her dances and I like talking to her about silly things (she has some very interesting thoughts about life...). With children, I think it's so important to encourage creativity and self-expression and I want her to be goofy and happy. But I know it's also important to set up clear guidelines of discipline. A balance between the two has to be developed but I find it tricky forming one when I have known her for such little time. Also, I have limited information on the type of discipline that her parents have established with her so I'm never sure exactly which route to take. When I think about this, I feel that my interaction with Tulia, however minimal, has a certain amount of gravity on her development. Obviously, when children are young, they are constantly learning from the people around them. They pick up so much more than I expect and thus, everything you do in front of them has the danger of being scooped up into their memory and applied later! This is just added inspiration to have a positive impact on her.

With the implementation of yoga into my life recently, I've been trying to practice the art of "letting go." Have you heard of it? It's this interesting tactic where you take something that is bothering you or pressing on your ability to be happy, and you just expel it from your mind. Revolutionary, right? Well...yes, for me. I tend to keep nagging ideas and thoughts inside of myself and they just fester there like ugly personality bugs! Today, I've been trying to notice every time they're crawling on me and when I do, I relax my body and take a deep breath, letting all the bad stuff out. It's not easy and doesn't always work but I think that actively doing this is the point for me right now. Hopefully, I'll get better with time and reach a place where I can just forget nagging thoughts and stop worrying about things out of my control.

In other news, I haven't killed this plant yet:

In fact, despite my negligible resume of plant care, it actually seems to be growing. Which reminds me that I need to water it today...

Although I've let my sketching fall to a weekly basis instead of daily, I've still been active in this recently. My newest sketch is one of my lovely headphones and I've shared it below for proof that I haven't given up on my artistic endeavors.

Better yet, I spent a few hours last night doing some painting that I'm rather pleased with. At my last job, my coworkers were in the habit of collecting random computer parts and hoarding them at different locations in the building where we worked. One of them had landed a few old keyboards and offered me one. Although I have no use for a non-functioning keyboard, I had much use for deconstructing it and using its parts in my artwork! I took it apart, washed the keys, and they've been waiting diligently in my art drawer for the day that they should be put to use. Last night was the night! Well, at least for thirteen of the keys.

There's a specific film that I've always been completely and utterly in love with. It's something of an inspiration to aspects of my creativity as well. Last night, I put it on, turned off the lights, lit a candle, and started painting. I like doing art in the dark because it takes away the voice of my inner art critic that tells me not to put a red on a canvas or that I've used too much pen in one area. With minimal light, I just go. I stop worrying about what it's going to look like and I just concentrate on how I love the feel and smell of painting. I can barely see what I'm doing so it moves into an exciting realm of anticipation; what will it look like when I turn on the light? And sometimes, I turn on the light and it's just a mumbled mess of awfulness and I paint over it. And sometimes, it's everything I want!

Last night, I turned on the lights and was pleased by what popped up on the canvas. I put finishing touches on it, glued on the keys, and spent quite some time ogling at it while I finished watching the movie. I think sometimes people don't do art because they're worried about it looking badly. I do art because it makes me feel happy and I like having my own style. It appeals to me (and perhaps only me) and that's fine because I'm not rushing off to try and sell it. But if you realize that you can do art just for yourself, that it doesn't have to look good by anyone's standards but your own (and sometimes, not even those!), perhaps more people would try it and find out its merits. Anyhow, below is my piece, which is now proudly displayed in my room where it will likely sit until I die!

Well, I'm off to do some more writing. I'm at a place in one of my book where the characters are arguing over some pretty deep ideas (at least, I like to think they are). I get very embroiled in their discussions and the work it takes to try to create valid points for both sides. It bends my mind into a shape more commonly described as 'pretzel'!

Happy Wednesday to one and all!